So I Kinda Disappeared…

So…ummmm…hey!  I’ve been gone for a while; I actually wasn’t planning on coming back.  My therapist always says that you can’t help others until you are healed.  Which I agree with sort of, kind of, not entirely.  I agree with the fact that if you are in the fire of something, you are not in the position to assist or show support to others.  With that said, when are you completely healed from PTSD?  That sounds negative but hear me out.  I have heard claims of people who say that they are healed, they have no issues anymore, and PTSD is behind them.  I have learned to cope.  I know my limitations. I practice self-care (sometimes).  But I am not sure I can ever imagine not being triggered by a narcissistic personality or by a man who is overtly sexually disrespectful.  If someone belittles me or condescends to me, I can’t imagine just letting it roll off my back.  Even so, I feel like I am better.  I feel like I have grown.  Recently though, not so much…

My life fell apart for a bit.  My marriage was in jeopardy and the reasons behind it were emotionally and mentally debilitating.  The political climate was, and still is, extremely confrontational.  Our financial situation went into an upheaval and quite frankly, is still uncertain.  I was triggered.  I was angry. I was terrified.  At that point, I needed to step away.  I needed to heal.  I needed a moment to breathe.  Anything I would have shared would have come off as a tirade.  That’s not my goal for this blog or my Facebook page.  My goal is to share inspiration and support with each other.  If something inspires me, I want to share it with you.  If I am experiencing something that I think can help others; I want to write about it and…share it, with the hopes that you will share with me as well.

So my life went into a downward spiral and I stepped away.  That’s ok.  Maybe there are those out there who are completely healed and never again have to suffer with triggers or insecurities or fear or anger.  That’s great!  I’m thinking that I am not one of those folks though.  I will have moments of weakness and I will struggle but I make this promise, I will not bring you down with me.

I agree with my therapist that we need to be in a healthy place to help others.  What defines a healthy life though?  Total and complete healing?  What if that never comes, then what?  I currently spend most days at home with my family trying to figure out where that smell is coming from. Is that where I top out?  I can’t believe that.  I think it is ok to share our imperfect lives with each other.  Our imperfections can offer a community that feels open and familiar.  How is your healing journey going?  Let’s celebrate our victories together.  It’s nice to be back.  Much love to you all.

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